'I'm Not Responsible Enough' to 'I've Got My Own Back': Lauren's Journey from Money Shame to Self-Trust

Live True
Jan 24
5 min read

Updated: Jan 30

At 30, Lauren was working part-time, living with her parents, and stuck in a loop she couldn't break: strict budgeting → inevitable overspending → crushing shame → even stricter budgeting.

Repeat.

Knowing what she should do with money wasn't the problem. It was that every time she tried to "be disciplined," something inside her would rebel. The tighter she gripped, the more money seemed to slip through her fingers.

What Lauren discovered through our six months together is what many people stuck in this cycle eventually learn: You can't budget your way out of a nervous system problem. And you can't shame yourself into financial wellness.

What follows here is her unfiltered journey, shared with care and consent (under a pseudonym).

Lauren's story

the starting point: June 2025

When I began working with Gail, I was stuck in a loop of self-judgment and financial paralysis. I was 30, working part-time, living with my parents, and constantly wondering why I couldn’t seem to hold onto money. The shame around my financial situation felt overwhelming. I remember saying in one of our early sessions, through tears,

I just feel disappointed in myself.

It felt like I’d been carrying that disappointment for years.

Through our work together — which blended nervous system support with practical financial tools — I started to understand that my struggles with money weren’t random or character failures. They had roots.

I traced a lot of it back to a moment in my family when one spending decision was met with harsh judgment. Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the belief:

I’m not responsible enough to have money.

That inner voice became so normal, so constant, that I didn’t even realise it was running my financial decisions.

the shift: October 2025

By October, things had begun to shift.

I was tracking my expenses without spiralling into shame.

I started building an emergency fund.

But more than anything, I was learning to treat myself with compassion. I remember thinking,

I’m genuinely proud of myself that I’ve got my own back.

The tight, rigid way I’d been holding money — and myself — began to soften.

One of the biggest breakthroughs came when I started applying the somatic tools and emotional work to my spending patterns. I realised that the stricter I tried to be with budgeting, the more rebellious I became — which often led to overspending. My “discipline” was actually fuelling the cycle.

Once I allowed myself a more realistic, playful, and humane approach to budgeting, everything felt lighter. I could finally breathe.

the outcome: January 2026

In our last month of coaching, I could look back on several months of consistent saving - and guilt-free spending. I was preparing to move into my own apartment — bought with my first mortgage — and starting to build momentum around a new business. What felt most significant wasn’t just the external progress, but the internal safety.

I’ve been able to build it to a place where I know it’s safe. I don’t feel like I’m going to lose it.

Not long ago, even looking at my bank statements would trigger anxiety. Now, I could create and follow a balance sheet, plan for future goals, and — surprisingly — feel excited instead of terrified about what was ahead.

What started as work on budgets and numbers turned into something much deeper. The structure mattered, but so did the emotional safety of the container. I told Gail,

I really appreciate the framework you provide. These last six months have been a real upgrade in so many ways — emotionally most of all, even though it’s about finance.

What I learned is that my relationship with money was inseparable from my relationship with myself. Through this process, I didn’t just learn how to manage money. I learned how to release shame, soften control, embrace playfulness, and trust myself. For the first time, a financially secure future doesn’t feel like something I have to fear — it feels like something I can actually build.

The method behind the magic

How does this work?

Here's what I tell every potential client: At the end of every personalised 1:1 coaching experience, I can usually trace an arc that makes total sense. But at the start? I never attest to know exactly how your story will unfold.

Yes, I have frameworks. Yes, I have tools. But the real magic happens in the unique alchemy between:

What you bring: your specific history, patterns, and readiness
What the work reveals, often surprising connections you couldn't see before
What you choose to practice: the daily, unglamorous work of showing up differently

In Lauren's case

We started with diagnostics: "How Financially Well Am I?" assessment, and a "Will I Be OK?" Financial Reality Check, where I ran her numbers and scenarios. This gave us both the lay of the land - identifying the realms of money

that were truly at risk, and
where emotional baggage and mysterious patterns kept her stuck.

But numbers alone don't create transformation. That's why Lauren also worked through the full Make Money Better curriculum, which addresses the stories, wounds, and nervous system patterns that drive our financial behaviours.

The combination mattered.

The financial reality check showed her she wasn't as "behind" as she feared
The story work helped her understand why she kept sabotaging herself
The nervous system practices gave her tools to regulate in real-time instead of spiralling into shame

And Lauren did the work. She showed up to sessions. She faced discomfort. She practiced new responses even when they felt awkward. She trusted me, the process, and herself enough to keep going.

That's what creates lasting change.

my Final reflections

What often appears as a money problem is rarely just about money. If budgeting advice alone could solve this, you would have solved it by now.

It’s actually about safety, identity, and the stories people learned early on about what they’re allowed to hold, want, or trust themselves with. Without that foundation, even the most practical financial tools can feel impossible to use or sustain.

My work sits at the intersection of numbers and nervous systems. It’s about building tangible financial capability and creating internal safety to change behaviour, on a lasting basis.

Lauren didn’t become someone else through this process. She became more herself: steadier, more resourced, and able to move forward without abandoning herself. That, for me, is the real victory.

Is This Your Story?

You might see yourself in parts of Lauren's journey:

The Pattern:

You swing between being overly restrictive with money and then "rebelling" with overspending
The stricter you try to be with your budget, the more you seem to blow it
You know exactly what you should do, but can't make yourself do it consistently

The Feeling:

Looking at your bank account triggers shame, anxiety, or an immediate urge to close the app
There's a harsh voice in your head that judges your every financial decision
You feel like you're the only one who can't seem to "get it together" with money

The Fear:

You worry you'll never be able to hold onto money without sabotaging yourself
Past financial "failures" still feel shameful, and you're terrified of repeating them
You're scared that you're fundamentally "not responsible enough" (or some version of that story)